He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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