Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
