Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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