I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
