Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
smell my finger.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
