Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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