i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
