why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
