They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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