Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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