So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
