You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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