this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
