You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
