I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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