you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
