While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
