just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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