Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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