It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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