It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
