It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize