i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
