Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
