I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
