Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
