he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
