Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
