Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
