i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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