If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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