Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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