went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
