Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
