brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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