The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize