During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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