I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jรคger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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