I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
