God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
