Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
