i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
