Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
