ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
