I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
