I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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