Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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