..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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