i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
