So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
