She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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