Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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