i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
