Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
