fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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