Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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