Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
