So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
