Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
