Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
