OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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