And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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