My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just had sex bonerless
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
