I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
