I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
