i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
