People in love make me want to vomit
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize