Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
