Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
