yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he was CRYING into my vagina
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
