He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
