This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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