WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
