He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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