He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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